Idek man.. Insecurities maybe?
A human is a complex being that may be affected by the smallest of changes around. Ripples in water become waves because we are so small, fragile and powerless that even these tiny ripples in a puddle of water seem like killer waves to us. And they are because how can we overcome them?
They say the answers are within us we merely need to extract them through reflection. Thing is we probably will not like what we find. Because behind this confident accomplished exterior, there is a little immature and lost child unable to find answers to even the most trivial of issues.
And behind this careless and cynical character hiding trying to blend in with the rest of its kind and trying so hard to pretend like it simply does not care that it is a failure and a lost cause, is a scared very aware soul paranoid of everything around it, scared to stand out yet longing to at the same time.
The more we dig through the layers of lies and come nearer to reaching our true identity, the more we resent ourselves for letting these little monsters live for this long, until we gradually reach the realization that these little monsters are us. The unedited me.
I’ve never encountered anyone that is satisfied with their unedited me. And if you are then you are either something very special, or you are lying to yourself, just kicking the dust around hoping that that’s as deep as it goes. The latter is more probable.
As complex as we are, we are equally predictable. Even the unpredictable are predicted to do exactly that (be unpredictable). And we are far more transparent than we like to believe. Our insecurities cannot be hidden for long from the eyes of keen and equally distressed observers. But at the same time we are as deep as deep can go, so though our insecurities can be identified and our flaws made visible, no one truly understand the nature of these things and their implications but us.
Everyone knows you are scared and insecure, and you know this about everyone as well. But we are such unique beings that even our simplest and most common fears and insecurities manifest in a form unique only to ourselves. Therefore only we can truly understand them.
It’s really scary and lonely when you think about because we can never truly let our true selves out and allow them to express themselves in front of anyone even if we slightly describe them, which we only do because it is useless to deny their existence.
Some philosophers say the essence of humanity is fear and it is our strongest emotion. It is said that man first came up with religions because they needed something stronger than themselves to help them survive the disaster that was nature and it’s ruthlessness.
It is true that without God we would be lost. Because if there is no God, who will you turn to in the hopeless situations when you are put in a position where your back is against a wall and you can’t even see what’s pushing you there. But I don’t think fear is our strongest and most essential emotion. I don’t know what is, maybe love, maybe curiosity I wouldn’t know, but all I know is fear doesn’t produce brilliance so it can’t be it.
I don’t even know how to end this because if I did I wouldn’t need to write it anyway so I guess all we can do is continue to reflect and seek Allah maybe he inspires solutions to such issues.